Staying focused

Haven't been keeping up with this whole blog thing. Doing well but trying to stay motivated and get my butt exercising! Man that is hard. But I know if I would just do it everyday that this weight would come off so much faster! AUGH! I am down a total of 156lbs since Feb. (77lbs since my surgery) So it is coming off and I feel good but I just need to get my butt in gear. I have a 4 month post op appt with my surgeon on Dec. 19th and will be getting alot of blood work done, so we will see how I am doing with all my levels, vitamins, calcium things like that.

I love this time of year, so I am feeling really good right now. I have some great special people in my life and they make me so very happy! I am a lucky girl! Closing chapters and starting new! I love it!

Happy Holidays everyone!! Thanks for all the support! Love to All!!
xoxoxoxo

9/27/2011

Yesterday was 9/27/2011. Would of been my 3 year wedding anniversary! So I made it through the day and didn't shed one tear! This def gets easier day by day! I know I am so much better off, I really hated the person that I was in that marriage. I miss the companionship but that's it! I don't miss the worries, the fighting, the negativity that surround us! I feel free! I do still feel abandoned but that is slowly going away! I just hope I can trust again someday. 

I also went to the clinic yesterday and weighed in, i'm down 47 pounds since Aug 8th and 126 total! How cool is that.....I don't feel it a whole lot. BUT I did see a new therapist today and I am going to get help with dealing with the mental part of all of this weight loss. It's a struggle. I want to work ALOT on my self confidence and my self worth! It is scary how low I think about myself! But just gonna try and stay positive and surround myself with positive people and things!

Quote for today: Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning!! ~~ Albert Einstein

Seasons changing!

Feels like fall today! My fav time of the year! To think this time last year how different my life was. Blows my mind what a year can do! I am feeling OK today! Trying to start looking forward to things in the furture instead of dwelling on what I don't have anymore. I think i needed a new season! A change of seneary! Trying to find inspriation in new things, different things, different people, old and new.

Starting to grasp my ALONE time. Instread of dreading it I am trying to embrace it. Use it to my advantage! 

Quote of the day: "The crime of loving is forgetting" Maurice Chevalier

My 1st blog ever!

What a transition this has been for me in the last 6 months. Not only going from being a Mom one day to not. That was hard but I knew it was for the best for everyone. Leaving my life behind the 1st weekend of Feb, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But I knew if I didn't seperate myself from certain things and people that I might not be here today. I was slowly dying. I had to do what I had to do to save my own life. I know that sounds a bit dramtic, but it is the truth.

Going through this divorce has been bitter sweet. I don't miss the person I was with my ex-husband, I beleive he brought the worst out in me. I beleive I brought the worst out in him, even though all I ever wanted to do was help him be the best person he could be. We just weren't not good for each other. He isn't the person that I fell in love with. In fact as of this day I don't know who the person that he is today. He has hurt me so much, I don't miss the pain, day in and day out, I do miss being a wife though. I think I was good at it. I miss sharing my everyday life with someone. But I have hope that I will find that again.

So many people have come into my life for so much positive things. A recent new friend has showed me that I have alot to work on, and have no room in my life right for love! So true! Even though I miss it terribly, I just can't fall in love right now. I have to focus on ME! I have to take control of MY LIFE! This is such a hard thing to do. But I know that God keeps sending these people into my life to show me what it is I need to do. I just have to start listening to them!

My surgery has really taken a toll on me. Not just phyically but emotionally too! WOW no one told me about this part of it. I did make an appointment with a therapist today that speicalizes in Eating disorders. So I am looking forward to being able to open up to someone about all of that and hoping that will help me along this jorney that I am on. My body is shrinking, but my mind is still damaged.

I am opening this blog up to anyone who wants to read it. I feel I have to lay myself out there like an open book. I have spent way to much time alone, with my thoughts and have isolated myself from the world. I don't want to do that anymore! I have shut out alot of important people that could really be a help to me through this jorney!

~~Quote of the day: "It is ok to let yourself go as long as you let yourself back in." ~Mick Jager